So its now 3:30am as I write this, and really I have no Idea what the hell to say.
I just finished reading up this blog by this AMAZING Girl, About how shit in her life has changed for the better...Oddly, to me (in a lot of ways) her life was what a lot of us would think of as going pretty good, at least in the "American Dream" outward trappings, before the changes.
She was making a grip of cash, was Semi-Famous, (well at least for what she was "Famous" For) had what most of us would call a good set up, you know?
Anyway moving on in no time life, love, and the such happened as they always do, and BAM! some kind of shit gos down. Things while still not what most would call bad, a few problems sure some even in need of attention so this chick she ends up in rehab... blah blah blah fresh start... anyway I dig on the thing and she has a bunch of new things happening and I wish her the best.

So you're probably asking now "What dose this have to do with me?" well honestly nothing. I have no connection with this girl in anyway at all, are lives have no parallel's and no crossings nada.
but its 3 something in the morning, I'm awake when I want to be asleep just doing my thing... which is not what I want to be doing.
 Still trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with myself and sadly realizing... I'm 36, and yet again starting over.
 I hate starting over.
I hate not starting over.
I am a bit of a vagabond, I was told a few nights ago talking with a close friend that She knows I'm not the "Settling down type" which is kind of funny to me. I am the settling down type.
Maybe not in the conventional meaning, I was already married to a...well, what I wanted to believe was an a great girl. I really did Love her, and things went...Well lets just say I wanted so badly to believe it was ideal to the point of lieing to myself it was.
It was nowhere near the reality of what it really was. Bummer I know.
I mean I'm such a great guy. Okay I'm not but I know I'm not too...
back to the point, I want to settle down by which I mean I want to find a place to work and live (not in Colorado) and just be happy.
Now if anyone I know were to read that/this, then they know the work/happy thing is kind of the same thing. and its true I love what I do, I love cooking, I LOVE being in a kitchen more than breathing, more than sex (ok maybe not more than sex) but more than well I don't know but more than whatever it is.
I'm just not as happy as I could be right now I'm miserable but I haven't been in a real kitchen in about 3 month thanks to a lot of things not worth talking about right now. So anyway I do want to find some place in the world to live,work, and just BE.